In a few hours a new year will start. Resolutions will probably start flooding social media, pictures will abound, and sounds of firecrackers will signal the start of mother nature’s suffocating night.
Now instead of writing things I want to do for 2016, here is a list of aspects in my life I am currently working on.
- Road rage. I hate drivers who cut lanes. I hate more those drives who let them cut lanes. I also don’t like being overtaken, so when it happens I race that car to get my lead back. Stupid, really.
- Emotions. I get easily agitated specially when I know I’m right. Now the problem is when I was younger, workmates and even family members made me thing being emotional is a bad thing. A few years later, I realized being emotional isn’t bad at all. Emotions make me care, they make me fight for what I think is right, they allow me to empathize with other people, they make me care. It does become problematic when I am not in control (read: road rage), but as I continue to understand my emotions more, they are becoming a strength. Indifference, apathy, and people pleasing are the worst. My emotions protect me from these.
- Diet. I am happy to report that I have fully boycotted Mcdonalds for the past two years. I don’t think I’ll ever eat a McNugget. This isn’t enough though. I need more greens and less junk. I am trying to listen more to my tummy and practicing intuitive eating.
- Lust. There’s porn. I am leaning towards the philosophy that I have to be in control of emotions and urges instead of the other way around. Not a prude, not religous, just a guy who believes that most things that have control over you without your knowing is dangerous.
- Spirtual life. Now that I’ll be turning 27 next year and learning more and more how sad and real it is that I don’t have rights as a gay person, let alone as a gay Christian, it’s hard to focus on praying when your priests tell you you’re a work of the devil, when your friends smile at you and your boyfriend but deep inside pray for the sin that we are, not necessarily what we do despite the tenets of the church. God tends to get lost in all of these. It is only in this aspect where I wish I was still a child. I wish I can still pray innocently without feeling like a hypocrite for praying because of what people say or what the church teaches.
So there. I am working on these things. I wonder how these will develop in 2016, but for now I have to prepare for mass in an attempt to develop maturity in weeding out the good and the bad things the church is sayung about me and my faith.
Happy new year!