Lonesome

Things are different now that I am back home working for our small company.

Paradoxically, I have never felt this far and detached from my siblings despit how physically close our rooms and beds are to each other.

Misunderstandings, lack of communication, unresolved issues, and probably different love languages have put me in a place where I don’t talk to my sister or my brother anymore.

I have never been this sad.

Ironically, the music playing in my spotify as I write this post in a coffee shop is telling me “It’s Gonna be Okay” (The Piano Guys)

My bro, sis, and I grew up playing musical instruments together–my sister on the guitar, my brother on the violin, and me on the piano. We’d sing for hours when we felt like it.

Now we pass by each other in our quaint home without any word to each other.

It didn’t use to be like this. I know this didn’t happen overnight. I also know I played a part why this is my now.

For now I’ll focus on finishing my thesis. It is difficult to write with a heavy heart though.

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Goodbye, Facebook (For Now)

And so this is goodbye, my friend
That’s been a lot of years we spent
I came to you and you listened
Now it’s time that I, away be sent

I drag, I scroll, I look, I see
I sometimes wish I wasn’t me
With what is seen, so much is lost
With what is read, so much is cross

Time is dripping, time is wasting
An inner voice is strong in saying
You have to stop, you have to go
and live the life with what you do

Not what you see, not what you read
Not what they have, not what they read
Not what they like, not what you like
Not what seems real but what is real

And so if you must talk to me
Come and see me here and be
the thoughts I have the thoughts you have
let our voices see the light out of this box

update: After two weeks, I’m back in FB

Where I am Now

Right now, I’m working in a diner. Figuring out how I’ll ever meet my deadlines.

See, I’m co-writing a textbook while completing my review of related literature for an MA subject I asked for an incomplete in. At the same time, I’m preparing for a language proficiency exam in Spanish this November. I’m also preparing my best friend’s bridal shower as I am her maid (man) of honor. I never thought it would be this hard and exciting to organize such a party.

The latter is my priority. I love my job, But the other things required to keep it can sometimes be really taxing. I’m not complaining though. I know where I am right now.

Right now, I’m wondering if the academe is where I want to stay and where I want to devote my life to.

I sometimes feel academicians, intellectuals, tend to problematize everything while inadvertently alienating society whose conditions are supposedly the main reason why thinkers problematize anyway. What benefit will it be to a society who can’t even understand it? Outside the academe is reality where contexts defy and debunk theories and ideologies. Away from the center is where everyday issues exist, problems that are begging for solutions. On the other hand, being in the academe gives you a stronger vantage point from where to look at societal concerns. The academe places you in a position where you have a greater potential to affect change through teaching and conventions for instance. Then, you have research as an important aspect of the academe which situates you in the front line of knowledge assimilation.

I know anyone can affect change within and without the academe. Maybe it’s a matter of what works for an individual, where he finds contentment, productivity, and effectivity as an agent of thinking and change.

Well anyhow, for now I’m just happy eating my comfort food from Chix & Treats–chicken fingers with garlic sour cream dip.

20140906155634Happy Weekend!